You’re probably already noticing this — the way holiday labour so easily lands on women’s shoulders. The holidays are often a time of traditions, and that can be wonderful, but if one of the traditions is for the women to do all the things to make the holidays happen, then it’s time for a reset.
In this video, I break down what this looks like — and how to go about it.
Globally, women still do two and a half times more domestic and caregiving labour than men. And during the holidays, that gap widens with all the planning, organizing, cooking, hosting, cleaning, gifts, logistics… the list goes on. The thing about “holiday magic” is someone needs to make the magic happen, and it’s a lot of work.
Some of this holiday labour is meaningful. Some is joyful. But it’s also work. And if we don’t intentionally interrupt the cycle, a lot of that work falls on women.
Here’s what this interruption actually looks like in practice:
1. Make the labour visible.
A lot of holiday labour is invisible. Maybe it’s the mental load of remembering all the things, the social labour of managing family dynamics, the financial burden of figuring out how to pay for everything or the extra work to plan it all out and then execute.
This year, try creating a master list of everything it takes to “make the holidays happen” in your household. Every household will have a different list because we all do holidays differently.
Be thorough and specific. Don’t just write “make the dinner”, break that down into all the actual tasks that go into making the dinner, like planning the menu, inviting people, figuring out how many chairs or forks you need, grocery runs, prep work and cooking, cleaning before and after, wrapping (and buying) gifts, organizing everyone’s schedules etc.
Be specific — the point is to make the labour visible.
2. Divide the list intentionally.
Sit down with the people you live with — partners, roommates, kids — and distribute the list in a way that moves closer to equal than years past. It may not be 50-50 equal, for a variety of reasons, but move in the direction of equality in the division of labour.
Heads-up: supervising kids to do a task is also a task. If they’re baking or wrapping, the job of supervising that also goes on the list.
3. Let go of control (this one’s hard).
If you’re used to carrying the mental load, letting others take over can feel uncomfortable and let's be honest, things won’t be done exactly your way… and that’s okay.
Our friend Claudia reminded me recently of the saying: “Help is the sunny side of control.”
Sometimes our “helping” is actually us trying to make sure it’s done “right.”
Last year I was really sick over the holiday season and physically could not do any holiday tasks, I had to fully step back — and guess what? It all happened. I’m not as indispensable as I thought, and that was actually a relief.
4. Expect pushback — people don’t like change.
Expect people to groan about doing more work. People resist change at first, and if the labour has been invisible all along, they may have no idea what it takes to make the holidays happen. But the bonus here is shared labour actually builds community and a sense of ownership and pride. Let any grumbling or pushback happen, and trust that moving toward equality is actually good for everyone.
Warmly,
Belinda
Subscribe to Unsubscribe
Yes, we see the irony. But trust us—
you’ll want this in your inbox.