Believing women. Calling out the joke. Confronting other men. Using your platform. Raising your sons differently. These aren’t extraordinary acts — they’re the baseline for what it means to be one of the good men. Not all men are perpetrators of sexual violence. But far too many are complicit in the systems that allow it to continue. This piece is for the men who are uncomfortable, angry, and ready to do something about it. Welcome to the party. Let’s get to work.

One in three women will experience sexual violence in her lifetime. 97% of reported sexual violence is perpetrated by men. So when men say “not all men” — what they really mean is “not me.” This is a request to be personally exempted from a statistical reality that women live with every single day. But if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. It’s time to talk about men’s role in gendered sexual violence — and what it actually takes to earn the title of good man.

Equal rights for others does not mean less rights for you. It’s not pie — except when it is. When we’re talking about money, power, and authority, we have a real distribution problem. The richest 1% own more than 50% of the world’s wealth. The poorest 50% own less than 3%. If we are going to create more equal systems, some of the people who currently have way more than their share are going to have to lose some of it. They already know that. It’s time we did too.