Alongside the unequal distribution of labour, there’s another pattern that shows up every year at this time: the pressure to make the holidays a certain way. A lot of us carry unspoken expectations about what the holidays are “supposed” to be — the traditions, the rituals we uphold, the idea that we need to deliver a happy or magical or perfect holiday experience.
In this video, I talk about what this pressure looks like, and how to let go of some of it.
Part one of this series focused on making holiday labour visible and sharing it more equally in your household. Part two looks at the other side: whether everything on your list actually needs to stay there.
Many holiday tasks are meaningful — they bring joy, nostalgia, creativity, beauty. Those are worth keeping. But some of what we carry isn’t about joy at all. It’s habit, expectation or obligation. It’s the weight of “this is what we’ve always done,” even when the tradition no longer fits who we are or how we live.
This email is your permission slip to re-evaluate.
What genuinely brings you joy — and what doesn’t?
Look at your holiday list and ask yourself:
Which traditions still matter to me?
Which ones drain me, or no longer make sense?
Which things am I doing out of expectation or obligation instead of desire?
Letting go doesn’t mean abandoning the holidays. It means allowing them to evolve.
In my family, cookie baking was always a tradition passed down through generations. For years, I took it on and truly enjoyed it. But that changed over time. Baking no longer felt joyful; it felt like forcing myself to find time for something that didn’t fit anymore.
So I don’t really bake anymore, and certainly nothing fancy. And you know what? It’s fine. I do other things instead.
It’s okay for traditions to change.
Holidays aren’t static. We’re allowed to outgrow old traditions and create new ones that fit who we are today. We’re allowed to choose the parts that bring warmth, connection, and meaning — and let the rest go.
As you move into this season, ask yourself:
Which traditions truly bring me joy? And which do I actually want to let go?
What would feel lighter — and more true — this year?
Warmly,
Belinda
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