To be honest, I have always been a person who takes things “too” personally. I was told growing up I was too sensitive and I have always felt things deeply, even things that don’t, on the surface, impact me directly.
So I have heard "don't take it so personally” often.
And there is some wisdom in that advice. There are moments where creating a little distance from something is genuinely healthy.
But “don’t take it personally” can also be used as a way to dismiss our feelings.
And our feelings are an important piece of information that we should actually pay attention to. When something happens - in our immediate environment or in the broader world - and we have a reaction to it, it makes us feel something, that is information to listen to and try to understand.
Our reaction is telling us something. And often what it’s pointing to is some kind of values trespass, or at least a values misalignment. Something that doesn’t feel right or sit right.
“Don’t take it personally” implies that we're overreacting or misinterpreting our own experience, our own feelings.
Our reaction, our feelings about something - that part is personal. And if we’re able to reflect on it and understand what it’s telling us, it can motivate us to respond, speak or act about the thing that doesn’t sit right.
If we never take it personally, we’re giving ourselves permission to ignore it or do nothing. To avoid the discomfort of naming something, challenging something, or even just acknowledging the discomfort of something that doesn’t sit right.
When other people tell us not to take it personally it can feel like a dismissal of our experience, or a request to “let it go and move on”. Sure, sometimes letting go and moving on is healthy, but sometimes we have to hold a line, not let things go, and not move on.
“I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept.”
― Angela Y. Davis
I would argue that our feelings, our personal reactions, are sometimes the very thing that moves us to do the things that need doing.
So see what happens if you let yourself take it personally for a while. Feel it all. See what it asks of you. And then decide what you want to do with that.
— Belinda
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